There is a lot of responsibility when preparing for a barbecue. You have to have the right snacks, a reliable cook, tunes to set the mood and enough variety to cover everyone’s dietary restrictions. So what would an Canada Day cookout look like within the Raptors organization?
Let’s look into it.
Keep in mind, I could not find any stats to base my speculations on, this is purely off the top of the dome and should not be taken seriously.
Who’s Manning the Q?
If anyone every considered someone other than Nick Nurse, you are completely off track.
I think it’s safe to say that when Nurse was born, he came out with a spatula and an apron that said “Keep Calm & BBQ on.”
Coach Nurse is the type of dude who will just keep on saying “why are you gettin’ all up in my grill?” any time anyone walks by him. It will only be funny once.
Nick Nurse is the type of guy who will stand behind the grill the whole time even when there is no more meat to cook.
I bet you he doesn’t even add seasoning to his food, he lets the meat do the talking.
Who’s Bringing the Snacks?
This is definitely a rookie job. Malachi Flynn, Jalen Harris and Yuta Watanabe will have this role, and they will definitely mess it up.
First of all, Malachi is bringing his dad. No question about it.
Eric Flynn won’t be invited because it’s clearly a “Team Members only” type of shin-dig, but I have a feeling that hasn’t stopped the Flynn’s before.
Because of this, Mr. Flynn will take over his son’s responsibility and bring the most underwhelming snack known to man. You know those houses that hand out toothpaste or apples on Halloween? The Flynn’s will bring toothpaste and apples to the barbecue.
As for Jalen Harris… this guy is going to try way too hard. I think he probably has the most to lose on the team, as he is still trying to fit in.
Harris will leave no stone unturned, and cover every base twice.
One time, in the locker room he heard Kyle Lowry talking about Doritos so you best know the rookie is buying every single flavour to make sure he brings his captain his favourite chips.
Yuta, being the resourceful young man that he is, drove Jalen to the cookout and helped carry the chips – as far as anyone else knows this was a Jalen/Yuta collaboration.
Who’s Bringing the Rest?
I chose “rest” instead of “meat” because it’s 2021 and we all know that eating meat isn’t for everyone.
That’s not the reason why OG didn’t bring anything though, he just forgot. In a hasty effort to reconcile his mistake, OG stopped off at Wendy’s and grabbed a bunch napkins.
OG will then act as if he brought the most important item to the event.
In a shocking turn of events, Pascal Siakam brought unsalted french fries, with absolutely no spices – despite his nickname, there is a rumour (I just started it) that “Spicy P” actually developed a stomach ulcer from eating too much spicy food a few years back and has since been unable to eat anything with a kick to it.
Kyle Lowry took the liberty of bringing the important stuff, but didn’t ask anyone what they wanted. He just knew. The gritty point guard spent the week before in the forest, hunting deer, bears and elk, picked berries and grew corn to bring to the BBQ and even made a few “beyond meat” burgers that he personally created in a lab.
Fred VanVleet brought his own food because he only trusts himself.
Who Wasn’t Invited?